I have just gone into production on a musical, and I am watching an attraction growing between two members of my production staff (AD and SM). I know that you can't force people NOT to be attracted, but I am really concerned about them getting into a relationship during this production. First off, it makes other cast and crew uncomfortable to be around a couple that is... amorous. Second, when relationships go sour, it is understandably difficult for people to continue working together.

Any advice on how to handle this??? I realize that I could opt not to say or do anything at all, and if you think that would be best, I would appreciate that feedback as well. It seems Draconian to lay down rules about this kind of thing, but another director told me that she explicitly tells her cast and crew her feelings about this on the very first day of rehearsal (she doesn't strictly "forbid" it though). Ack!!!

YIKES. Been there. With me it was two cast members. It was really difficult to ignore.  I had to do something. I had known them both for a long time, so I felt comfortable talking to them. I spoke to them both seperately. I didn't make a big deal out of it, but asked them to please keep it professional during rehearsal. Which they did for the most part. The other cast members where not shy about letting them know if they were getting to friendly. I didn't discourage that. I was glad I talked to them. By the way, the romance was over right after strike.

When I taught high school I use to tell my students to leave their hormones outside the door. That they could pick them up when rehearsal was over. It was corny. They laughed, but it worked. 

Good Luck.

Linda

Thanks for the advice, Linda! As you can probably tell, I'm really squeamish about approaching this topic, and I think that your use of humor may be the best bet.

Ironically - I would be happy for these two if circumstances were different. They are both doing great in their respective jobs, and they are really nice folks to begin with. They have a lot in common, and it makes perfect sense that they would fall for each other. However, if things continue on this trajectory, I'm going to have to find some way to appeal to their sense of professionalism and ask them to keep it low-key.

Fair enough, and thank you! It is nice to hear when this situation goes right, and it sounds like the "compartmentalize" approach works best.

Of course, what's always fun is when the opposite happens. I'm sure everyone here has a horror story.

A few years back we were producing Pippin, and the actor playing Pippin and the actress playing Catherine were dating, a fact unknown to us until about two weeks into rehearsal. Naturally, they broke up during hell week. The scene where Pippin rejects Catherine and runs off was very powerful. The entire rest of the show was awkward and tense. Nowadays we ask first. It usually is met with giggles or incredulity, but we are NOT going to have that happen again.

The first full-length play that I directed had two performers dating.  I'm sad to say there was more drama backstage than on-stage that year.

Since then I've had to deal with it when I discover a couple are interested or dating each other.  Last year I had my production stage manager "cheat" (went on a date with a different girl--don't read into this) on my assistant stage manager.  To add to the chaos, the girl he dated had just joined the make-up crew.  Once I found out, I brought all three together and had a meeting.  I explained to the newly added crew person that I needed my PSM and ASM more than I needed her and I was going to have to drop her from the crew to prevent anymore disruptions in the rehearsals.  After dismissing her, I privately laid into my PSM and ASM about keeping the personal lives out of the rehearsal hall and their responsibilities in maintaining a safe environment for people to be creative which cannot happen when they're fighting.

Generally, a couple of my students get to know each other during the "bonding" of drama, and they may even end up dating.  But other than making sure they are constantly chaperoned by an adult, it is not usually a problem.  I agree--lay down some ground rules at the first rehearsal so everybody knows what their commitments have to be to work with you.

I met my wife when we were in a show together.  Didn't start dating until it was over, though.

You can't control emotions, but you can control behavior.  No slap-and-tickle in the theatre.  Save it for the opening night party.

Parenthetically, why do people feel the need to crawl all over each other in public, anyway?  Just to prove they can get a girl/boy friend?

Or am I just an old f**t?  (And yes, I'm aware these aren't mutually exclusive)

I have always been annoyed by the endless drama of theatre romances, so I vowed never to date anyone in the theatre. Never say never!  I recently started dating our stage manager. We were both concerned about staying professional at the theatre since he's SM and I'm in the cast and on the board of directors.

When we're in rehearsals, we both focus on our jobs and don't interact unless necessary. I figure we've done well keeping our personal lives out of the theatre when we have both been asked if we are arguing. Inevitably, people assume that since we are dating and aren't all over each other we must be fighting. I guess drama can be found even where there is none!

Been here before. 

SHOWMANCE...I've seen it a hundred times, and always laughed at it.  But still been involved in a couple of tryst.  The important thing to remember is discretion at all cost, because "THEY" all gossip. "THEY" do that.  My favorite is when "THEY" make an issue out of a nothing situation and create more drama then there is on stage.

My personal feelings are to avoid romances with co-stars.  A lead dating a chorus member is much less a risk than two co-stars, and I have had several relationships in this vein.  I actually prefer it since I generally can stand my leading ladies, or at least their personalities.  It is the same reason why I request not being in a "STAR" dressing room.  We are here to work as an ensemble and learn from each other, not be on a higher level than our peers.

As for the romance, just keep it out of the theater.  What goes on when you leave is your business, and no one else.  The lasting relationships that began in the theater are generally the ones that no one knew about until after the show has closed.  That is just my two-cents...take it or leave it.

By the way...my current friend and I have been together for 5 months, and while "THEY" suspect, most have only suspicion since we keep our relationship private between the two of us.

Another theatre marriage here!  My husband (Juror#3) and I met while doing "Two by Two" - he was Ham (no, that's the character's name) and I was playing Goldie.  The two characters ended up marrying each other....and so did we!

We have played opposite each other several times since, both as romantic couples ("Sisters Rosensweig" - Sara and Merv - and "Moon Over Buffalo" - George and Charlotte Hay) and brother and sister ("Harvey" - Veta Louise and Elwood - and "Lost in Yonkers" - Bella and Eddie) and have thoroughly enjoyed doing so. 

HOWEVER.....he and I have directed each other several times and have had disagreements, but those spats stay in the theatre when we leave.  I guess you could call them "artistic differences".  BUT we never carry them home with us.

Speaking as Red Diva's husband, I got involved in community theatre in the hope of meeting someone.  Needless to say, I lucked out.  And she's right, we have acted several times without problems and have directed each other with some (cough, cough) artistic disagreements, though nothing that disrupted the show we were working on.

It's inevitable - showmances. For several weeks to several months you ARE "family", spending nearly every evening together. Having fun, working together, and it creates a bond. It's fine if you are single and can manage the new relationship without it causing distractions or any back stage drama. Unfortunately, I've seen showmances that were "the straw that broke the camel's back" of several weak marriages. It would seem that people can't tell the different between acting and real life. I had a very good friend look me in the eye and tell me that her on stage husband and family were everything that her off stage husband and family could never be. She was comparing her life to a written script! Talk about getting into character.  30 years of marriage down the tubes. Worse thing is there is nothing anyone can do about it. It happens too often.

My 23 year old daughter is doing a semester in England. She has been around theater all of her life, so one of the first things she did was go to the local theater company and volunteer. As she said, "That is where I am sure to meet really nice people." And it looks like she did. She met young man there. She called this morning. She is going to meet his parents this weekend. More romance.

Linda

Red Diva,

You and I are of the pre-"suck face" era.  I'm not sure what our era is called but it featured  such studs as Don Grady, Paul Peterson, and Tony Dow.  Among the stud-ettes of that time were Roberta Shore, Shelley Fabares, and Patty Duke.  Now that I look at these names, I don't think I want to know what the era was called.  It would be too demoralizing.