I'm looking for a "gentle" way to approach a parent and ask if she actually intends to have her children show up for a production.  WHAT?!  Okay ... here's the situation.

We're in rehearsal now for a show and she's kept her children from rehearsals once for "too much homework" (one gets 10 minutes a night ... the other nothing ~ I've checked with the school on this) and twice because one has an ear infection.  I've tried calling, but her phone has been disconnected.  It's not a matter of recasting as 1)there is no one else and 2)their parts are small so I can easily reassign the lines they have. 

Should I just drop the kids from the program?  I suppose I could have the librarian (Shall I call her Marian Paroo?), who sees everyone and I'm sure would be willing, to speak with Mom?  There's no AD who could do this and I barely have time to breathe, let alone track this woman down.

Oh, and we open in less than a month.  (And, no, they will never be cast in a future production.) 

Ah, the joys of working with little ones (and their parents)! LOL

I wouldn't panic about his until say - tech week? But if they are that unreliable, and you can't get in touch with her, I would assign the lines to another cast member who is dependable and shows up to rehearsals.  Of course it would be better if you could contact her first and warn her if they have one more unexcused absense, that the lines will be given to someone else.  Tell her why......that it is imperative at this point that the cast members with lines be there and say their lines, with the blocking, for the benefit of the whole cast and the flow of the show.

If the programs must go to print already, then leave their names in the program. Normal patrons won't relate the character name to the kid speaking anyway. I always try to wait until the very last minute to print the programs, so I can add those last minute additions, deletions, and thank you's. It NEVER fails. someone new always ends up helping me out tech week, and I swear I couldn't have lived without them.

Be prepared though, that if she does decide to start attending rehearsals, and finds out that her "little darlings" lines have been given to someone else, she will be upset and likely pull them out of the show altogether. I would imagine that this would be of no big loss to you or the show.    There are no small parts only small actors.

They've only missed three rehearsals?  Out of how many?  Well, only you know if there is really a problem or not.  Assuming that there is:

Subtlety does not work with parents.   I've worked with kids a dozen different ways -- shows, coaching, umpiring Little League, teaching Law Day programs -- and I tell you again:  subtlety does not work with parents.  Certain parents are, I believe, people also, and when they are being people, logic and normal forms of communication do work.  But when they are being parents, they are not people, they are parents, and they don't listen.

I guarantee you, the other kids are watching this and saying to each other, "Why don't Muffy and Poindexter have to come to rehearsal?"  Bad situation for all concerned.

Tell them straight out (by letter if necessary): "I'm sorry, but as with all activities, because your children cannot commit the time necessary to prepare for this show, they will not be allowed to participate.  Please enjoy the show as our guest."  That's what a football coach would do, that's what the Math Club would do, and that's what you should do.

POB14 - I could not agree more with you! However, I would still make an attempt to warn first, give a chance to see the err in their ways, and then proceed with plan B.  Nanette lives in a small town, I don't want her to get a reputation for being a tyrant! The kids in her cast (and the parents) are inexperienced about shows and the time commitment it takes.  If she can contact the mother then she will have covered her bases.  Unfortuneately, I have been there, same situation, even the same show.  The parent that I had to confront was a mouthy "you know what", and proceeded to try and blacken my name, lying saying she wasn't told the rules - didn't know about the time commitment, how could I hurt her kids like this, etc. It didn't work, I have a good reputation as a director, but in my honest opinion. tis is best to cover all the bases.

Doing theatre in a college town we get many students who come up the homework excuse for quite a few rehearsals.  I came to the point about 3 years ago that I type up a list of "cast expectations" and hand those out at auditions, the first read through and send it out in a cast e-mail the first week of rehearsals.  In it I say something to the effect that "if cast every cast and crew member is expected to attend all rehearsals and meetings he/she is called for.  In the case of multiple absences and extensive conflicts cast members may be removed from scenes and/or removed from the production entirely."  I make sure I speak to the offending party twice about it - once in person and once via e-mail - because I like to have hard copy proof that to show the board or producer that I spoke with the person about the issue.  If the problem continues I give the board and producer a heads of what I'm going to do and then make sure a board member or another person from the production staff there when I speak with the person.  If the person doesn't show up and the decision has to be made quickly, I assign the parts to someone else and mess around with waiting. 

If someone wants to black ball you - you sometimes can't avoid that.  I would try to safegaurd myself from that - but your one of your biggest concerns should be that the show is the best it can be.  It's not fair to the rest of the cast, crew, orchestra (if applicable) to not have as many cast members at rehearsals as possible.

If "homework" is an issue - you could offer (I've done this) to let the child work on homework during his/her downtime at rehearsal.  Invite the parent to come to the rehearsals and work on the homework with the child in another room. 

"Too much homework" as an excuse when you know there is not is a warning sign that the parent is not committed. Also, if one child has an ear infection that should not effect the other's attendance. She needs to be told this, and it needs to be clear that if she can not meet the expectations of regular attendance perhaps this is not the right activity for her family to be involved in. It's never good to turn away people who want to be involved EXCEPT when their involvement has the potential to cause problems for the entire production. 

Good Luck,

Susan

I'm also a parent and am actively involved in theater with my kids. 

"Too much homework" can also translate into a parent's plight: "I'm too busy." 

The phone being disconnected also says to ME; "I've got other, more important issues I'm trying to deal with right now."

Is this a single mom?  Maybe the dad work evenings?  Is she having financial difficulties?  Is lugging her children to rehearsals something she has the time to do (after making sure they're fed dinner, dressed appropriately, finished their homework, etc. etc)?  Are there other smaller children in the household who can't be left alone while mom drives back and forth from rehearsal?   Does her work schedule depend on the older kids being around to help out with the younger ones?

All I'm saying is:  you don't know what this mom's home situation might be.  It's possible this parent is simply over-booked.  Haven't we all been there at some time?  Our jobs, our families, our prior commitments -- all prevent us from doing other activities that we enjoy.

If you want to do this mom a favor, I suggest offering a ride-share solution with another family who might live nearby.  This mom might be glad to have her children picked up and dropped off without the added chore of transporting them herself.

Good luck!

Thanks to everyone for your suggestions and advice.  It is a small town and people do 'see and hear' everything that everyone else does.  Most of the kids walk or ride their bikes right past this particular family's home on their way to rehearsal and mention to me that "Muffy and Poindexter" (love that one POB) are outside playing or out riding their bikes.  It's just lazy parenting and setting a bad example for the children that's an issue. 

I'll try once again to contact these parents and see if they are still interested in even having their children in the production.  If they are, I'll tell them that the kids need to be there from now on.  We only have 7 more rehearsals, for goodness sake.

I've never had problems like this before I moved to "small town USA" because it was the children who were interested in taking part, not the parents just wanting their kids to be involved in 'something else'.  (hmmmm .... that could translate to free babysitting, couldn't it)

I work with the kiddies, too--but at jr and sr high level.  I put a line in the contract I require all parents and kids to sign that homework is not an excuse to be removed.

I also indicate that although this is an extra-curricular activity, all cast members are expected to keep their grades up and do homework or work on lines and characterization when they are not working with the production staff.

I have a thought that perhaps the children in question are struggling in school and mom has thrown an ultimatum--you can't go back to drama until your grades go up.

Just a thought--but I also agree with POB that it could be financial reasons or the mom is just too busy and over-committed.

Hope it works out well.

Kids know what is fair and right. If it is not fair to give these kids special treatment, you are going to have trouble with the rest of the kids in the cast, if not now, later. I know that it sounds terrible, but it is probably the best for the show, the cast, the kids and their mom to drop them. I had to let a young cast member go once. He was slightly older then these children, but still a kid. I was clear about when he needed to be at rehearsals. I called and left messages numerous times. The other cast members said he wasn't sick. After a couple of weeks of not hearing from him, I let the kid who had been doing his lines have them. That was fair. That's when he finally showed up and wanted his part back. I know the other kids told him at school. I can't imagine how much respect I would have lost if I had let him back in the cast. The kids would not have seen it as second chance, but that it wasn't fair. Anyway, I told him maybe next time. I didn't hold his past against him at the next auditions. He did deserve a second chance then. He came to all the rehearsals for that show. I think it has to be about the bigger picture, and setting standards that are clear and fair for everyone not just the person you are having trouble with. It just makes it easier in the long run.  . . Okay, end of soapbox rant from the fifth grade teacher.

Linda

I think you got lucky with this kid giving him another chance with another show.   I'm generally of the once burned philosphy....   But you definitely did the right thing the first time.

He was a kid. I would probably not be so forgiving with an adult.

L.

I have a situation with an adult (?) woman that I recruited into my show.  I laid out the expectations on the audition form, she signed it, and we started rehearsals.  And last night she missed for the third time.  The first two times she called me with an "excuse", but last night she just didn't show up.  Finally she text messaged another cast member an excuse!  If I had ANYBODY else in mind to take her part I'd get rid of her, but I'm over a barrel.

I feel personally wronged, too, because I have calling her every night to offer her a ride to rehearsals since we live near each other. Yesterday when I called her she declined a ride saying that she would get herself there since she would be done earlier then me.  THEN SHE DIDN'T EVEN SHOW UP!

I'm not really asking for advice (aside from an answer to "what do I say to her to get her cooperation from now on?") I can't really do anything.  I recruited her because we suffer a shortage of people that want to be onstage and young people especially.  (She's about 20).  So I can't replace her. I don't really want to.  But what if I just said to her, "You know, Amy, I need to know that you are going to be at every rehearsal from now on.  Maybe you didn't understand how important your attendance is.  And if you didn't it's my fault for not making that clear enough, but now I need to know that you will be there every time you are scheduled for a rehearsal."

It is very interesting how different directors handle cast members who don't show up to all the rehearsals. I am co-directing "The Christmas Schooner". 20+ people in my cast, mostly adults, and a few kids. It opens 2 weeks from today. We have not had everyone at any one rehearsal yet. I am not panicing. Not yet anyway, maybe next week I'll plan that, about Thursday, I will write it in my day planner.

I do make statements about how important it is to be at rehearsal, how the other cast members need everyone there for blocking and cues, etc. How distracting it is to be talking to blank space when that person is gone. It says very clearly on the audition forms that only tech week rehearsals are mandatory. I may take the advise to have the cast sign something saying they understand what is expected of them for my next show. I personally feel like CT directors have to be very flexible with people. Everyone has a different level of commitment, different work ethics. Things happen. I know they all want to be involved or they wouldn't have auditioned. I also think that you can not force people to match your commitment level, and if you try, it will turn them off and this is supposed to be fun - right?

If someone was to miss a couple of rehearsals I would call them and find out why.  Tell them I missed them, and remind them how important it is for them to be there, offer a ride if need be. But I wouldn't just dump them. When I was a new director I used to get very upset because people did not have the same amount of committment as I did. I have mellowed. Now I realize that people have lives, jobs, family committments, other hobbies. I do still want to be told if someone is going to be absent. So I can plan around it, but I wouldn't drop someone who misses a couple of rehearsals and doesn't tell me they will be gone. Talk to them first, find out whats going on, then make the decision together whether they should continue.

I didn't even make the rehearsal schedule until I gave the cast the opportunity to write themselves out of all previously scheduled dates.  Then I could make the schedule and not have any conflicts.  I am willing to bend, mold, rearrange MY OWN schedule to match whatever they say they will do.  So that's why I'm hacked off when somebody doesn't show up because they found something better to do that night.

By the way, the young woman in question came up to me as soon as she saw me today and aplogized in front of another cast member.  I pulled her aside so as not to include any one else in the conversation and told her that I needed to know that I could count on her to be at all of the remaining rehearsals.  I guess we'll see.

I do what Kathy does. I make a tentative schedule then ask the cast to give me all of their conflicts at the first rehearsal. I adjust the schedule and we have a calendar that we stick to. I even put in snow dates for rehearsing in the winter months. I tell them I hate wasting time: theirs and mine. I promise them that if they are called to rehearsal they will rehearse. On the flip side I ask them to let me know as soon as possible if something comes up so I can adjust the schedule.

Linda

I do all that too. State a general idea of rehearsal days at auditions, and then at read thru ask for them to bring their calendars and mark off the days they have conflicts.  Then I can schedule upcoming rehearsals by act and scene, and if someone can't be there, I schedule a scene they are not in the night they have the conflict. If they are not in a scene they don't have to attend. But later on, closer to opening, when we are running the full show, it never fails, people get sick, work schedules gets changed, someone has an wedding anniversary that they don't dare put off until after the show, etc. I think it is important to be flexible, and it is frustrating, but what do you do? Our show opens in two weeks and now, one of my leads has been appointed to a town board that meets on Wednesdays, so we lose him on Wednesdays until dress rehearsal. Now, I don't think his town meeting is that important, I think the show should come first but I can't force him to attend.

I think the smaller CT's are at a major disadvantage here.  Less warm bodies to choose from. We are lucky to have enough people at auditions to cast the show without having to beat the bushes for a cast. So, we have to be flexible.  I am not a "softy" director, but I also can't afford to tick anyone off by insisting they must choose the rehearsal over something else important to them. Often the people who are outgoing enough to be involved in a CT, are also the ones who are on other boards, in other community organizations, all of us burning the candle at both ends and in the middle.  The show still goes on and is fabulous.