I just had my head taken off by a parent whose child I did not cast in the upcoming musical. Mom is on the board of directors and did this in front of my scene designer and lighting designer. Both have never worked in this theater before. I stood there open mouthed with disbelief. I am of half a mind to walk, leaving the directing of this monster of a musical to her. I used my standard, "I am sorry I can't use Suzie Q in this show. Please audition again for me in the future." She wanted me to justify every casting decision I made, and why her child was not cast in that part. Mind you this is a cast of forty with only ten children in very minor parts, and I had 30 children audition for those ten parts. The only thing I could think to say was, "I am sorry you are upset."

My question is, "Has anyone else had this happen, and did you find a graceful way of handling it?" Halfway through her tirade I almost told her the truth. "Your child can't sing, and gives the impression that she wants to be anywhere but on stage." I only work for this theater on occassion because the politics are so difficult, and after this little fiasco never again. I know that she is going to be around the theater when I am there, and I do not want another confrontation. Any advice you can give me on how to handle this would be much appreciated.

Linda

Wow...how terrible. I am sorry that happened to you.

I directed High School for many years...and encountered "stage parents" (usually moms) a few times. I think you handled it well.

From my experience..

Don't argue...stick to "It is unfortunate I couldn't use Susie Q this time"

Don't justify your casting decisions, ever! (see above line and stick to it)

Report her bahavior to any one you can (artistic director, chair of board etc.) Use strong words like intimidation, harassment, etc. (if this is indeed how you feel). Ask for support/backing and for someone to let her know that the theater has confidence in your abilities and decisions.. If you do not get these things...this is a whole other problem! (a really serious one!)

But don't gossip about the mom with your cast/crew. It will get back to her and be used against you!

Do not engage this nut in any further conversation/ argument /discussion etc. Use above line if cornered and walk away.

If the problem persists...you may need to repert her behavior to higher authorities. And you may consider leaving. 

Good Luck,

Countbio

I don't know how you could have handled it other than the way you did. There's always going to be upset parents involved when you work with children. The fact that yours is on the Board just makes things more difficult.

How to handle this in the future depends a great deal on how the rest of the Board is, I think. Do you find them equally difficult to deal with? Are they aware of how the mother behaves? If you think they can be reasonable, go to them and ask them to address this. If you can't see that helping at all, then you may, in fact, have to be blunt (and diplomatic) and tell her that her daughter wasn't cast because there were (at least) ten actors who were better suited.

I feel what you're going through; having worked with teenagers in theater for many years, I have had my share of angry mothers.

Toi Toi Toi Chookas Linda

Joe

What a Yoyo! I'll log in before I post next time!

[This post is to add to my total only]

I can't add anything new to all the good advice above except to re-iterate:

Never justify your casting decisions - to anyone. 

Never bitch or complain to your cast and crew about anything (you are allowed to bitch and complain to your stage manager - part of their job is to let you vent then tell you you made the right decision.  I'm told it says that somewhere down in the fine print.)

Thank you everyone for all of the support. I actually just heard from the mother again last night. She apologized. Her daughter is happily doing something else. The daughter isn't the least bit upset at not being cast, so mom got over it.

Linda

G?donya Linda & also to the ?Tin lids? mum for the apology to you!

Maybe you can get the mum, to audition for you next time?

Chookas Linda

I just wanted to add - for next time,

After your discussion with mom offer to have her help in another area of the show (tech. or something).  Tell her that you would like to see how she works and if you think she has the drive and proffesionalism perhaps she will be cast next time.  I often do this and if the kid or mom says no then I realize that perhaps they don't have the heart to be involved anyway.  And I will tell them that - that if they truly have the love for theatre they will start out small and work their way up - if not I don't want to work with them anyway.

I agree...never justify your casting decisions. Just let them come to the show and see the results for themselves. If they are worth their salt, they'll understand, without you having to say a word.

And speaking as someone who's auditioned and not been cast, I agree with Nyria. Let them start out in something small or with crew. The group I've been working with, the first time I auditioned for them was for "Titanic" - and I didn't get in. But I did get to work on the costumes, which was a wonderful way to get to know them better and them me. When they did "I Remember Mama" (the musical), I auditioned again and was cast.

My condolences.  Have you ever thought about putting on the audition form?  I imagine minor's must have parental permission to even try out.  I have a standard line in REALLY BIG LETTERS--The director is the final authority in all casting decisions.  The director will be more than happy to discuss your particular audition, but you will not be allowed to re-audition, and the casting will not be changed.

This has prevented a lot of the "Why didn't my child get the role of ___________?  She's much better than __________."

I've been reading these posts and had to add my 2 cents;  I have been directing children and casting them for several years and at first my husband and i have had many problems such as this.  then we switched our audition system.  They are closed.  a child can come in and do a song they know and recite a nursery rhyme or whatever and their parents can be in attendance and that's it.  When it comes time for Callbacks we even tell parents these are closed to parents and we tell them why . . that we feel a child will ultimately give us more if their parents are not watching and do tell them that parents have been an issue in the past.  We make no bones about it.  Nothing is worse than making a casting call and having a parent tell you that their child did better than so and so . . .the children handle it better than the parents sometimes!!  Since we've had closed auditions the instances of these calls have decreased significantly!  so much so that another director decided that open auditions 2 years ago would be fine . . . wouldn't you just know it...those venomous parents popped up again! 

As well, though, when we make our calls and we're calling kids who didn't get cast we always try to do 2 things:  start with the postives, so when we go through the casting we write on every audition form something positive about that person and then we write down one of the major things that contributed to their not getting cast:  lack of projection, enunciation, stage presence, singing was not strong, etc.  The parents generally take this well are glad that we have something for their child to work on.  Sometimes it is not so easy and it's merely a toss up as to who we cast: don't know the children; talent is equal; look for the part is equal and we just go with our gut and we try to be truthful with these children and tell them that there were a lot of kids who tried out and this is the way it fell.  Most kids and parents receive that one ok, as well.  we try not to sugar coat anything nor do we try to be too harsh.  and we always encourage them to come back. 

Parents like this make me not want to work with their children...unfortunate as that is.

I've enjoyed reading this post and its replies. It seems none of the replies was from a parent so I thought I'd chime in.

Something to consider...

Parents like what you describe scare me. They scare me because of what I fear they may be doing to their children. As a mom who likes to think she has a very good relationship with directors and stage managers it also kills me when I witness this type of behavior.

But I've learned, actually very recently that it's a very small world and eventually everyone learns who these parents are. Oh by the way, boys moms are like this too. There's one mom who always makes a point of telling me that the director told her that "if only her daughter could  have come to the CB, she would have gotten the role of whatever". I thought I was the only one who found her insufferable. I don't usually "hang" with other stagemoms so I didn't realize the repuation she has. I've recently learned just how much you directors talk to each other and just how much stagemoms (except apparently for me) share info. This particular mom and her little angel are banned from a couple theaters in my city. I thought it was just me who couldn't stand her!

Just please remember that not all parents are like this. Sometimes I'm afraid to even ask a simple, legitemate (sp?) question if I don't know the director for fear s/he will think I'm one of "those" stage moms. Closed auditions, open auditions, do what you want, you're the boss. Just be honest, tell us the real deal, your expectations, when you'll make a decision. Just do what you say you're going to do.... and all the other great advice on this forum. If you don't cast the kids with difficult parents, you'll be doing yourself a favor as well as doing a favor for the other parents who try to behave 'cuz they bug US too!

An excellent point.  It's important to let all of your auditioners know what you are looking for, what you will expect of them if cast, and what they should expect from you.  Be clear, be thorough, and be true to your word.  There are probably as many inept directors as intolerable stage-parents.