I was the balladeer in "Best Little Whorehouse" (can we say that?), had the first line in the play, complete with guitar and cowboy hat.  I've got a habit of running my first line several times before going onstage to lock it in, break the ice, hit the ground running.  So "It was the nicest little whorehouse you ever saw" was primed, ready and jumping at the reins to pop out to the audience when what came out was:

"It was the nicest little horse house you ever saw."

Knew it when I said it, mentally kicked myself unmercifully, and soldiered on with grace and enthusiasm.

OK maybe not as tragic or humorous as some that I've read.   I committed one of the bigger offenses that I can think of last night in a performance of California Suite.   I play Marvin in the visitors from Philadelphia, the piece about hiding the hooker from his wife Millie.  In the opening sequence I'm supposed to try and get a pair of fishnet pantyhose on to the passed out hooker.   Completely forgot to do the bit and the dialog that goes with it which gets some of the biggest laughs in the show.    I resurected the dialog when I went back in the room to drag the hooker out to the hall but it didn't get nearly the laughs that it gets with the bit itself.   I was beside myself when I got off stage.

Nine out of ten performances ain't bad I guess (provided I don't forget tonight or tomorrow).

I was playing George in "Moon Over Buffalo" at a dinner theatre.  During the opening while George is doing his Cyrano, I got so caught up in the moment that my full upper dentures flew out of my mouth.  I had my right arm up and towards the front of me, and so I caught them, spun so my back was to the audience for a moment, and re-inserted them.  I spun back and continued as if the whole move was part of the action.  It was then I noticed that some of the people nearest the stage still had dessert, apple dumplings, sitting in front of them.  My efforts apparently had so stunned them in their brilliance that they stopped eating.  At least I hope that was why they stopped.

I, for one, can't get enough of the Juror #3 Denture Story.  In fact, I wish someone would post it again, right now!  Maybe I will!  Although I think I'll punch it up a little.  I think you should have the teeth fly into the audience and start eating someone's apple dumplings all by themselves.  Or maybe they could bite somebody who was talking during the show. 

Yeah, I know.  I'm stupid. 

I was costuming a production of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas and was in the back of the house during a rehearsal doing fittings.  The actor playing the father was checking off a list of things he was to pick up at the market. 

His line was supposed to be, "Peanuts.  I like peanuts."

His line came off as, "Penis.  I like penis."

He had that enunciation down pat by opening night.