Just last week... Opening night.. Show, Over The Tavern.. I was playing Chet the dad, I am having a very serious conversation with my wife and I am relating that my drunken father has just quit because I told him he had to quit drinking... It is one of the "resolution" moments at the end of the play.... I am suppose to say:  I told him I would help him, over the rough spots, you know.  I know lots of guys in AA, it's no shame, I even said I would go to the meetings with him..."  What I REALLY said was  "... I know lots of guys in triple A and its no shame....."  Serious moment gone forever... But hey, got enough of a laugh, the director was seriously considering have me keep it in... I didn't.

Differnt play, different flub.. it happens..

Though I certainly have enough of my own gaffs to fill a book, the one that I remember the best was made by another actor 30 years ago in a production of "Inherit the Wind".  In the big courtroom confrontation between Drummond and Brady, leading up to the big moment when Brady says something like "I'm not concerned with the age of rocks, but rather the Rock of Ages", all would have been well had Drummond given Brady the right cue, which was something about "Do you see this rock in my hand?"  For whatever reason, on the given night, Drummond asked Brady "do you see this sponge in my hand?"  Where do you go from there?

The poor actor that portrayed Brady was also the victim of another gaff.  Probably 35-40 years ago, in one of the Dracula plays, he portrayed a character that was a doctor, I'll call him "Dr.X"(I'm vague on this since it was before I was involved in the Playhouse.  I'm just repeating stories that have since become legends).  He was waiting for his Act I entrance when he heard the character onstage that was supposed to give him his cue announce to all and sundry that "Dr.X" had passed on.....a line that wasn't supposed to be given until Act III!  There went Poor Actor's entrance....and all the rest of his scenes as well.  I suppose he could have entered and said something like "rumors of my death have been grossly exaggerated", but.....again, where do you go from there?

Two more of my personal favorites occurred in the same production of "Harvey"...and one of them was mine.  The actor playing Elwood P. Dowd was supposed to charm the young nurse with the line "I'd much rather sit here and look at you, my dear" or something like that.  It came tripping out of his mouth as "I'd ratch mother...etc."  We never let him forget it, and created the myth that "ratch mothers" were the little furry creatures living in the Playhouse basement!  My own flub (I was playing Veda Louise) was when I was supposed to say that "I have taken a course in art" (referencing the portrait that was supposed to be my sainted mother, but was in reality one of Harvey and Elwood).  Have you ever opened your mouth and heard words that you've never memorized or spoken before flow out?  Well, what flowed out was "I have taken a court in arse", something the very proper Veda would never have admitted to!

My favorite happened during "The Taming of the Shrew."

I was playing Tranio, the servant to Lucentio.  Unfortunately, the costumer was overwhelmed with all the period pieces and produced a hat for Lucentio that was ill-fitting and looked ridiculous on him.

The actor playing Lucentio had enormous problems with that hat (and hated it from day one as it would continually fall off his head or over his eyes, etc.

I guess the actor finally reached the breaking point, for in the scene where Lucentio gets the idea to have Tranio impersonate him, he's supposed to hand me the costume pieces and say the line (as written) "Tranio, at once uncase thee; take my colored hat and cloak."

Instead the line uttered was close to "Tranio, at once uncase thee ... take this f**king hat and cloak!"

Fortunately, his speech continued for a couple more lines as I was too shocked to speak, not exactly sure of what I heard.  I don't believe  Lucentio was fully aware he said it, either.

It wasn't until we got off stage and saw all others laughing hysterically (but silently) that we were sure of what happened.  Apparently, it was caught by very few audience members who assumed either they misheard the phrase entirely or were convinced that Shakespeare really was a writer for all the ages.

Last year in Meanwhile, Back on the Couch, Parker and Victor are standing at the bar and had just finished a drink. Parker was supposed to address Victor then finish the line, but instead he called Victor, "Parker". Without waiting for the rest of the line quick thinking Victor, said, "I'm Victor and you're Parker; have another drink". The audience roared for what seemed like a full minute.

Barb

I was in Sullivan and Gilbert (a play with music about a fictional day in the life of G&S in the theater) playing the bumbling Prince Alfred. The scene is that I'm sitting outside of the ladies dressing room with the lovely young soprano when 3 of the ladies from the chorus burst in and interrupt. I flirt with them mercilessly and then they all flutter off stage to get changed. Well...opening night...Instead of 3 chorus girls-there are only 2 (apparantly the 3rd decided to change costumes during the scene instead of after). And the one that's missing is the one that does all of the talking. The 2 that do come out give me a deer in headlights look and then we all attempt to fumble through the lines. They tell me to sit down-when I'm supposed to remain standing. They introduce themselves with the wrong names. Wrong line after wrong line after wrong line. We were all trying desperately to just move on but we just kept digging ourselves deeper. Finally, one of the chorus ladies whispers under her breath "just kiss my hand and say goodbye so we can get the hell out of here!" So I did...and so they left and I went back to wooing the lead soprano.

The whole thing wasn't more than 30 seconds...but let me tell you it felt like an hour and a half as we all tried to get ourselves out of the mess we were in. Luckily my character was generally doing stupid things-so I'm not sure the audience caught on to our problems.

Ahhh..the joys of live theater!